Today I was really really tired. During a break in class, I went downstairs to get myself a drink. When I went up, I found a doodle on my writing pad. Beside it wrote hungry roar. It’s basically a doodle of a small little monster baring it’s teeth. I didn’t write “hungry roar” so i looked at my friend sitting next to me to find him smiling back at me. So I asked. “Did you draw the eyes?” Nope, he didn’t. “what about the teeth” Neither are those by him. So I doodled and had no recollection of drawing the monster. It’s quite cute though. =D

Doodling keeps me awake. I always start with two circles followed by two smaller ones, one in each of the bigger ones. These will be the eyes. Then what ever happens next happens. That’s what I like about drawing, you never know what you might end up with. I don’t think that there was ever one time when I had a clear image of what I wanted to draw before I started drawing. Like fat boy. Don’t think I posted up fat boy. Will do so when I get internet access for my laptop. But actually, fat boy’s been incomplete since before I entered OCS. It’s being coloured halfway… Now that I think of it, have I posted fat boy. I think so leh… Nevermind lah, check later.

My stamina dropped like hell after 3 months of snacking, not exercising and eating noodles. Today I barely made a silver. Previously, I barely made a gold. I don’t care, I’m going to train alot. Ran with two divers today. The divers are really very fit. They can run run run and run while i pant pant pant and pant. Respect.

So now my legs and biceps are aching. I don’t know why but there’s been an ache on my left shoulder stretching down to the arm since a few days ago and just now after running, I felt a pain in my back. Old already la… 21 already leh…

Oh yes, today I drew a card and I really like it. =D It’s finally done. ha. Actually i drew two. One is obscene. I shall post up the obscene one on Saturday. 9 days to Christmas. =D 3 days to meeting the rest, 4 days to meeting Greys. Looking forward to these days.

That on the right, there’s a tumblr rss thingy? That’s the link to my tumblr space. Sometimes I have short and random thoughts that I don’t really blog down so i write them down on tumblr. Tumblr’s fun. Might consider moving to tumblr after wordpress thingy expires on me.

An sms last night made me think. What is it that I want for Christmas? Seriously? Nothing. I don’t think i really want anything. I do want a touch. But I’m waiting for the next generation. Hope it comes soon. But touch isn’t something one would buy another for Christmas. So what do I really want? No, I don’t want shirts. What I really want is something that will make me smile. Something that will make me smile when I look first see it and make me smile every time i look at it. Examples? I do have something like that now. Something simple and nice.

This Christmas might be fun. Gathering with the bunch at Guan’s is part of the plan, nice high tea to celebrate Christmas and also, Nadia’s inviting people over for Christmas. But can I go? I fear that i might be on duty during the Christmas weekend. I don’t mind actually but I don’t want to miss out on a chance to meet up with my friends.

I’m in the midst of doing up a real special Christmas present. Something that no one has ever seen before. I really wonder how I came up with the idea but somehow, I did. Will post up a picture or two after it’s done it’s job.

6 more months and if nothing goes wrong, I should commission as a naval officer. Hopefully by then, I will have a better schedule and have more time for my family and friends. But then, it still won’t be time. There are so many things that I want to do but can only do after years. Now, all i have to do is work hard and wait patiently.

I realized something. Remember the weird habit I have of balancing up everything I do? I realized that I do it when i’m on the steps. If I start off with my left leg on one flight, I will try to start off the other on the next flight. Also, I don’t like stairs with uneven number of steps which means that I start on my left and end on my left.

I’m not in a particularly good mood today. Bad week. 2 tests, one day after another and they are extremely boring topics. Heavy and dry like a fat wrinkled old lady.

Dear Friend,
You know that I’m always here,
So please do not ever fear.
For if you ever need a listening ear,
I’ll be the first to volunteer.
And don’t ever shed a tear,
Come to me, I will cheer.
Silly like hell I might appear,
But all I can say is that I’m sincere.

I seriously think that there is nothing wrong with crying but about the previous post, it wasn’t about me. It’s about something I encountered which left a guy sobbing. Really disturbing incident.

Anyway, I’m still in camp! Yes! Still in camp! Duty will end at 7.30 and then I’ll change up and chiong home to take a nice shower after which I will see how things go. Wonder if Daphne is fine now. Was ill the day before when I called her. =S

Sometimes I wonder who reads this shit. Like when I write, what do I write for? So that years down the road, I will read all these posts? I seriously don’t think so. So why do I write? And who reads?

I feel that this is like a platform for me to just vent it out. To just say what I want and not care at all. Well, I don’t say all that I want but this is still an avenue for me to release some stress, anger or share some happiness.

Distance is a really strange thing. You hate it because it makes you feel lonely and a sense of longing but at the same time, it makes you realize just how important people are to you. Day by day, I realize how much people mean to me and thus made me treasure them more. Every SMS, every call tells me that hey, I’m on their mind.

I want to get out of this place soon…

When a man cries,
It really mean something.
The flow of tears he defies,
Futile but he’s still attempting.

With head bowed down and sobbing,
wallowing in pain produced internally.
And on his mind he’s really trying,
To think and act the least bit rationally.

Why am I crying like this?
Will you hold my tears for me?
Oh how i need a soft kiss,
Before i sail out to the open sea.

I feel like vomiting right now. I’m currently overdosed with caffeine and suffering from it’s effect. And I think I am prone to sea sickness. Since I was on board till now, I keep feeling something at my throat like as if I’m going to puke any second. But other than that, I feel fine. And you know how coffee makes your stomach feel weird.

Do I have a choice? I need the caffeine so I can stay up tonight to study. Yes, I’m going to stay up all night to the beats of The Whip and Muse. Not to forget the sad songs from Oasis. Well, non of that will be appreciated tonight except to block out any sound and also fill the silence of the night.

Was on a frantic hunt for high tea places and decided to go back to the one place I wanted to visit. Veranda where i can have the savories and my dear friend can have her sweets. But I must admit that I’ve developed quite a sweet tooth. Trying to control it as I am getting real fat. =(

Haven’t ran for over a month and today I ran 1.5km. It’s a really short distance but it felt really good. =D And as mentioned, I’m going to swim on Sunday. And I’m going to try to go on a diet. No plans for my diet. Just cutting down here and there since I seriously don’t need so much energy.

I remembered something today. When I was young (actually up till now) I have this thing about balance. No, it’s not about balancing myself but about balancing the way I do things. For example, if I realize that I am shaking my left leg, I will switch to shake my right just so it balance up. Or if I clench the right side of my jaw, I will clench the left side just to balance up. It’s just something that I can’t help but do and if I don’t do so, I will feel like something is wrong.

Anyway, I’ll be drawing up a christmas card. So far, progress is real good. I have nothing. But tomorrow I will have an entire day to draw so hopefully it will be a fruitful day for me. Also, I have got an idea for Christmas gift. It’s something unique la. Will upload pictures of it when I am done.

I’ve been entertaining thoughts of going overseas to study and yesterday I found a course that I want to take. But the thing is, it’s going to cost a bomb. A whole lot more than any usual overseas degree. I feel like trying for a double degree – Visual Com + Business. It will be quite cool to have knowledge in marketing as well as creatives. Also, it will be a very safe route to go as I won’t be stuck as a designer wannabe as I can always be a suite with creative skills. =D But money money money. 3.5 years overseas ain’t gonna be cheap and that is if I get full module exemption. Estimated cost of 70K for fees alone. I can take a loan… I guess… not really sure but even if I do so, I will be in huge debts man…

Enough about education, hopefully i can get a scholarship (which won’t help much, i think). You know, it’s not easy to love somebody. Especially when you are not in a situation where you can love someone.

Gotta go study now. Yes, NSFs study too. =S

Duty’s been pretty weird. Neither of the two who were on duty could sleep well, waking up at almost 15 minutes intervals. Tired as we were, we still found difficulty sleeping in peace. Strange things happened. Motion activated lights remained switched on throughout the night even though the room was locked hours ago, phone calls without any one on the other side of the line at 4 plus am.

Suddenly I feel like I’ve been abandoned. Don’t know why but that’s just how I feel.

Hatred, a very dangerous emotion to possess. It causes one to do harm to others in many way and somehow, hatred has found it’s way into my heart. Or should I say that it’s been there all along. No. I think it’s more of dislike, not hatred. I don’t hate anyone. I just dislike some people.

I feel rather tipsy right now. Not that I’ve drank even a drop by I’m just so tired. I’m physically and mentally tired. And I’m tired of all that is going on and went on for the past weeks. How I wish that Sunday will come quick and then I’ll get to dive into a totally different new world. A world where I’ll be really wet. Yes! Swimming on Sunday. Can’t wait and after swimming, I’ll meet Daph for some shopping and dinner before booking back in.

Looking forward!

It started as suddenly as it ended. And there was no real start to it and thus a blurred end. Should I be angry? Or should I be sad. I went through a mixed of all kinds of feelings and right now, I am still quite having that mixed-up feeling. No wait, it’s not mixed up, it’s messed up. That’s the condition I am in right now. But I won’t say so too. I am rather enjoying this lifestyle that I am leading right now. It only turns bad when I feel lonely and when I start to think about things. It sucks but hey! I have no choice.

So here, I’m back after taking a long break to write somewhere else, to deposit all my feelings and dedication somewhere else and now I am coming back with fresh and new perspective about life. (It’s just too sad to say that I am back with nothing).

Seriously, what was I worth? What did I meant? I never quite got a clear answer and even till now, I got no answer.

Went for a swim yesterday and it felt so so so good. For that two hours, I was in a different realm, free from worries and many kilograms lighter. Will go for another swim on Sunday! Please make it a sunny day.

A part of me wants to drink,
Till I get so wasted that I can’t think.
And a part of me wants to cry,
But all I do is let out a sigh.

P.S I wonder what happened but the amount of views shot up overnight from 2 to 7 then 27… Who’s been visiting? You should comment so I know and I might just say hi.

Hiding in my corner, hugging my knees, I’m getting all emotional, can’t you hear my pleas?

Determined,

Matured,

and

Gentle.

Been wanting to post up something but never really got the idea of what I want to post. Yesterday I sat at coffee bean and drew some stuff. Drew random stuff and managed to finish a drawing that I started on Monday.

This is one of the random stuff. The drawing i finished has yet to be coloured so it’s not up.

Let’s go Geylang soon. =D

Carpet, pillows, drinks and food, that’s the way to spend night.

It’s so fast and the 3 months in Tekong is nearing to an end. Till this day, i still remember how i went in as an emo boy but booked out to become a happy boy. Booking in has always been the hardest part and I’ll look like someone stole my girlfriend (pardon my lack of a good description). In 3 more days, I will get to book out from Tekong completing my BMT.

Now that i think of it, i should let my body rest. Take naps in the day or just lie in bed. Ok? It’s also time to let my hair grow. Gone will be the days of being botak and soon my head shall have hair, hair that i can at least comb.

My leave shall be filled with nice lunches, dinners, movies, snacks and fun. Sounds like a great way to get fat. Maybe we can throw in some exercise into the plan that involves the playing of chess and doing of chores.

PS, I trust you.

Yesterday i caught Patch Adams on tv. There’s this poem that the character read out to his girlfriend which i like alot. Here it is.

Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda
I don’t love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

I like it that it is very truthful, especially the second last stanza.

Anyway, it’s been a really good weekend that started with a nice sunflower and ended with a chat on the phone. Somehow I’m really really sleepy. ZZZZ think I will colour my drawings next week instead. BYE.

Get well soon ok? =D

I’ve always taken this stand,
That I want you to be the happiest.
And for that I will do all I can,
Even if I am the silliest.

I like how you smile,
So happy and carefree.
It’s going to take awhile,
So please do wait for me.

In a small cramped little room, Hong Jun sat on his bed.
Sitting cross legged with a frown across his head.
“Yesterday was Sunday and today’s Monday”
“So why book in when it’s still a public holiday?”

Had such a good weekend.

Saturday night was a nice celebration at Daphne’s place with the rest of the guys. We had so so so much food that it was a really good thing cheak managed to come.

Daph, thanks for the surprise. I really appreciate it alot.

Mel, thanks for the lovely card. I took time to read it as your handwriting ain’t exactly the neatest.

Yesterday, I went to this place nicknamed by me and my dinner partner as “Cod”. The name derived from the delicious cod fish we had. And not to mention sticky date. Furthermore, the restaurant was empty except for 4 others.

Caught UP with Miss W. It’s a nice movie though stupid me fell asleep at certain parts. I can’t help it if I’ve got a nice and comfortable headrest. =D

After the movie was a pool session with Dim Max and Yong Hui. Left early as I was tired and had to go back to rest. Somehow, I didn’t know why I was so tired. It’s either, I tend to get tired easily or alcohol makes me sleepy.

Oh ya before I forget, Thanks for all the birthday messages! could only read them on Saturday as I was in a 6 days field camp. And thank you, Ms W, for sending me messages.

My birthday is coming soon,
But on that day I won’t have a phone.
I’ll be deep in the forest,
WIth grass as my mattress,
And I’ll be thinking of you.

Maybe I’ll sneak my phone in,
So that we can keep talking.
That will be the greatest gift,
To let you know one thing,
That I’ll be thinking of you.

Went for a nice lunch at Yoshuku yesterday with Ms W. We really liked the Deep fried unagi and grilled saba. The only thing that we didn’t really like was this weird pasta thing that Ms W ordered thinking that it’s interesting. Hmmmmm.

After that was an attempt to catch a movie but ended up sitting at coffee club enjoying our nice cold drinks. Rambutan freeze was really good but i still think that my minty lychee tea freeze was better (it’s so good that I remember the entire name).

After that was dinner at Oriole. Nice place nice food and nice company.

Field camp will start tomorrow. Not really looking forward to it. But I am looking forward to getting out of BMT.

Can’t wait to get out on Saturday!

The next two weeks will be a real challenge. Mentally and physically. But I will pull through somehow.

Today I went out with Ms W and had such a good time eating cakes and digging coconut flesh. And not to forget, grocery shopping. Bought almonds and food bars which I ran out of. =D

Thanks you Miss W, for making my day and night.

My Birthday is coming soon. My 21st. I have never really gotten excited about my birthday before but this time round it will be different. I think it will be, or at least i hope so. But the sad thing is that i will be spending the actual day in field camp itself with food rations as my birthday dinner and Kong Guan biscuit as my cake. Then instead of my family and friends, it will be all my bunk mates and commanders. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I am really tired now. Might be due to sleeping really late last night and waking up early in the morning. But despite that i had a good day. Let’s go for porridge soon!

One thing about NS is that it makes you think.
Not of issues or problems,
But of the people you leave behind.

One thing about NS is that it makes you treasure.
Not the occasional ice-cream in camp,
But the weekend that you have.

Was cooking with my mum and had a light lunch. A lunch of fried fish and porridge. Not to forget, the chilli bean paste thing that Teo Chews like to have with their fishes.

Had a good good night last night with Miss W. Went for prata and a long long walk which took us to this really really really really nice and calm place, though it was also quite spooky.
I realize that sadine and veg mutabak is very very delicious.

Every weekend is very precious to me. It’s like the only time when i get to have a choice in what I do. It’s also when I get to spend time with my those that mean alot to me. I would like more time if possible and sometimes i really feel guilty that I don’t have time for those people. So every moment is treasured and every smile remembered.

For those who are wondering how i am doing in the army, I am doing fine. Having quite alot of fun though it is tough. Yes, it is tough is getting even tougher day by day but I am neither going to die nor am i gong to give up.

And warning to NS guys, DO NOT WEAR YOUR SMART 4 TO TOWN. PEOPLE STARE AT YOU LIKE YOU ARE AN ALIEN!

Remember this?

After 2 weeks, i am out.

It’s quite fun actually. Just doing exercises everyday, running around, marching and learning things like how to handle the rifle.

I don’t really like the rifle though. It’s weird to hold onto something that is made to kill someone else.

So now i am botak head soldier and by far, daph is the only one who said that i look good like this. She thinks i look like Felix.

So i came back on Friday. Went out for the night with Daph and Mel. yesterday was fun too. Went to vivo, then bugis. Fun Fun Fun.

Another 3 days and I will be out again. Looking forward to coming out again. =D

Today I will be enlisting.
Was ill yesterday. Food poisoning I think. Vomited my lunch out. Feeling alot better now.

So bye bye people and i guess the next update will be in 2 or 3 weeks time. Or maybe i will twitter. hmmmm

The one thing that I really want to do before i get enlisted is something impossible.

But today i ate KFC. Nice KFC at JB.

I went to JB with poly mates and ate KFC, watch a movie, play arcade, eat ramly burger and have food at this really nice back alley.

Had a really good day. =D

I think it sucks to be serious but not being taken seriously. Maybe it’s my age or the way I behave but still… I think it really sucks.

I think i am awfully truthful when I am high. And vulgar too.

Jon called me just now. So nice of him. Giving me tips on what to bring in for NS and so on. Seems like he’s doing fine in there. As according to him, army ain’t as tough as when we go to the gym. He really make NS sound like a piece of cake.

Just got home from R.O.B. Had a good night.

Today i went out with Mel and Daph. Was supposed to be on a search for jeans but Daph was the only one who managed to find a pair.

After that we went to this cafe at the side of taka called Toast. They ahve got nice food there and weird looking girls to laugh at.

Daph had to leave so Mel and I headed to PS to play arcade. It’s been so long since I really played arcade like today. We played the basketball game, timecrisis, Bishibashi, Initial D, Daytona and a game that requires you to tap 16 boxes according to the rythm of the music. After playing and stuff, we went to 1Caramel, a really nice place with weird looking chairs. The cakes there are really interesting and they have overly friendly waiters. Oh i had this really really frangrant tea called the Lemon Bush Tea. Mel had a Geisha Blossom which I wanted to try but the waitress told us that it is supposed to be a female drink.

We sat there talking for quite sometime and the waiter realized that we were taking quite sometime to finish our tarts so he came over asking if it is because we didn’t like the tarts. It was really really weird for him to do so as all we wanted to do was take our time and relax.

So after Mel left, I went to catch Monsters Vs Aliens. Sadly i fell asleep halfway and missed out some parts of the movie. But i really liked Insectosaurus and Bob.

I’m back home now, and i decided to let my hamster run around the room freely and it looks like the little thing is having fun, running around like a toy train. It looks just like a little furball zooming all around the room.

6 more days to NS. I think i will print out photos of people and make an album that I will bring into camp. I’ll then flip through the album at night and remember the good times. Only the good times.

I’m not a writer,
I’m not good with words.
I’m not an actor,
Can’t pretend I’m not hurt .

And I am who I am,
Just doing all I can.
One day to be your man,
If not, a good friend.

I had porridge for lunch and it was really good but at the same time, it made me want to puke. Maybe it’s due to the fact that I didn’t have anything to eat since morning. I really feel like puking now.

I can’t wait for Saturday and maybe Weds. =D Maybe this time I will get to enter the cinema again. My last movie was really so long ago. It dates back to approximately 2 weeks after i rejoined UP. And it was a really bad movie too.

Was supposed to catch a movie on Tuesday night. Tickets were booked but we were late. hah. So we went shopping for nuts and proceeded to Roomful. Great night. =D
Ok, i think i really need to puke.